3 Ways You Can Help Carry The Load
Congrats! You're a Parent!
You’ve cheered on your partner as they’ve tried to bring this new person in your life and you’re SO excited to meet them. But then they’re here and….
Now What?
It can be a difficult balance trying to enjoy being a new parent, whilst not getting sleep, trying to support your partner, making sure they eat enough, the baby is content, and making sure you care for yourself in the process. It can feel like A LOT. Then you find yourself questioning yourself…
How can I support my partner when I don’t know what to give them?
Am I capable of being a good enough parent?
What If I mess up?
And the list goes on….
It’s totally normal to feel insecure in a situation like this! Not only are you trying to get to know your baby, but you’re also trying to get to know who you are as a parent. It’s overwhelming AND its exciting. It makes complete sense if you don’t know what you’re supposed to do or how you’re supposed to do it.
Here are a few ways that you can offer support:
#1 - Take Care of Yourself
By far the most important on this list. A dear friend of mine gave me the best advice when we had our daughter. She said ‘Her job is to take care of the baby. Your job is to take care of her AND yourself.’
I showered when I could, moved my body when had windows of time, made sure I was fed, and most importantly had a space to vent when I struggled. I leaned on my friends when it got hard. I met with my therapist when it got REALLY hard so that I could make sure I was the healthiest and best version of myself I could be during that time.
Can you be the best version of yourself with 2-3 hours of sleep? NO. But you can feel heard, seen, and know that you are just as much your baby’s parent as mom is. It’s a partnership for a reason. Mom and baby need you to take care of yourself, or you will not be able to care for them well when they need it most.
#2 - Give Her Relief In The Morning
Baby will probably wake up early and often to eat or be changed, or both. One of the best things you can do, is take your baby with you to another room and let them sleep on you after they’ve eaten, so that mom can rest. Even that few hours of sleep can provide her with the rest she might need to have some mental clarity. A little sleep during those nights where everything feels inconsistent can do so much.
So cue up your favorite show, make that coffee strong, and get comfortable on the couch.
#3 - Anticipate Her Needs
This one can be tough, and requires intuition, but doesn’t have to be overly complicated. Your partner may not know exactly what they need, because they’re body has just gone through a lot. If you notice she hasn’t had water, grab some for her. In fact, put extra whatever room shes in so she doesn’t have to go too far.
Sometimes remembering to eat can be challenging because they are giving so much of themselves to baby. Bring her Coffee (better make it a Venti) Get her food. Phone a friend. Uber Eats. Whatever you need to do to make sure she has the strength she needs. Things are going to get messy around the house, so the less dishes you can use, the better. This will give you one less thing to worry about.
Write cards. Buy flowers. BE HER BIGGEST FAN!!! You are the biggest cheerleader and support that she has. This goes a long way and can help her know you’ve got her back.
Do chores she normally does (WAIT FOR IT)....WITHOUT HER ASKING YOU TO DO THEM.
She doesn’t need to be asked a lot of questions, she just needs you to take care of it. This may mean folding the laundry, doing the dishes, cleaning out the fridge, doing the meal prep for the week, etc. This will help her feel heard, valued and seen by you. Taking things off of a new mom’s to do list can build lasting connection between you and your partner.
Now.......
Take a DEEP BREATH
I know first that this season of life can be overwhelming and scary. I have been there! It’s easy to lose yourself and your mind in the process. There is so much happening during this time, and it brings so much joy AND challenges. Especially when things feel so new, its hard to know what to do next. But hear me parent...
You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be present.